Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
