ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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