I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
