I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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