I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
