Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
