Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
