He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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