After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
