Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
