i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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