i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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