someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
