I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
