whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
