Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish you could order shots online.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
