So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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