if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
