Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We were destined to go to rehab together
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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