This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
