I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
