I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
