so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
