Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
