he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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