idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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