wat bout pragnant strippers??
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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