Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
