Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We talked him into tasing himself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
