we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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