I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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