I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
