She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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