I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
