Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
