All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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