White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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