haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
