dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
