you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
