the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
