The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
