I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
