I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
