so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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