you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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