Apparently you make a good broom.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
