How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
