do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
