I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
