I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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