I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
