complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
