Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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