Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize