i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
