So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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