I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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