I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize