Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
