Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
