No awkward lesbian experiences without me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize