Acid is not a monday night drug
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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