he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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