just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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