it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
