the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
